My father-in-law, Walter Ruettimann, passed away, this morning. He was in his 70s and was feeling much better after a recent dip in his health. Unfortunately, Walter was doing some work around the house and fell off a ladder. He died from injuries sustained from the fall.
I wrote about Walter when The Happy Employee challenged me to write about a world without HR.
- My father-in-law was never really sure about how I earned my paycheck because he saw the function of Human Resources in its infancy — back in the days when it was called PERSONNEL.
- Walter was part of a generation of Americans who worked for one company from the day he graduated college until the day he retired.
- Walter great stories about working in Manhattan, traveling around the country on business trips, and enjoying multiple-martini lunches with executives. It was old school stuff, and it was amazing to hear how Corporate America operated before employment lawyers, internal audit groups, and HR departments.
When Walter worked in Corporate America, the HR department was made up of two groups: the men who managed the unions & the women who managed the personnel files. If you had a problem with your boss, you didn’t go to your HR representative. You went to your boss or you found another job.
I know I spend too much time in the HR blogosphere because I immediately thought of Mike Haberman’s post about safety awareness and emergency response teams when I heard about my father-in-law’s accident with the ladder. I hit the Google to understand more about ladder injuries, and it turns out that the internet is plastered with information, safety tips, and videos of people falling off ladders. Holy crap, dudes. Ladder accidents injure 200,000 people on an annual basis. Who knew?
The husband is on bereavement leave over the next couple of days and I’m holding down the fort with the kitties. At my old company, bereavement leave for the loss of a parent was one week. Some people took the entire week, but most people returned to work after a couple of days just to focus on something other than the mourning process. What’s the policy at your company?
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Laurie, I’m so sorry for your husband’s (and your) loss.
Your father in law sounds like my dad. My father can’t for the life of him figure out how I make a living. I think he thinks I do something kind-of shady, because there’s no way he’d pay someone anywhere near what I make to work in a G/A role.
Have you seen Mad Men? It’s really helping me understand pre-me work roles, and women’s historical place in the workforce.
Laurie,
I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your father-in-law. My thoughts will be with you and your family over the next few day.
I’ve worked in places in the past where bereavement leave was anywhere from 3 days to 1 week for a parent/spouse/child. While I’m sure there is some value to getting back in the groove of things so as not to dwell on the loss, I always wished we could just allow people the time that they needed, and let them come back when they were ready – since each person handles these things differently. Alas, the 80/20 rule rears it’s head again. We created rules and policies that potentially punished the masses for the actions of a few.
Condolences from the HR Underling. I lost someone very close to me this week too, it sucks, but he sounds like he was awesome, so I assume your hubby is too.
Our company gives a week off for bereavment.
I am so sorry to hear about your father in-law.
Thanks for the info on ladder accidents. http://www.coreyjf.com/blog/?p=230 – not the smartest thing I have done lately… Definitely going to think twice before I do that again.
Our bereavement leave is up to three day for immediate family.
Laurie,
I am so sorry to hear about your father-in-law. My hubby and I are lucky enough to have all our parents, so I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I’ll be thinking of you.
BTW, we have a whopping 3 days for immediate family bereavement.
Laurie, sorry to hear about the passing of your Father-in-Law. Such a loss is stressful enough for anyone to go through without the additional stress of relocations, homes for sale, and job changes. Please share my sympathies with your husband and the rest of your household.
My mother in law passed earlier this year and I was still in my first 90 days at a new company. I got bereavement leave despite that
Next time I have a margarita I will toast Walter Ruettimann and his three martini executive lunch career.
– Michael
Condolences to you and your family.
My heart goes out to you guys. My grandfather died in a similar way, only he had a heart attack on the ladder.
Laurie,
I am so sorry to hear about your father in law. My deepest condolences to you and your family.
Most companies I have worked with and for have offered about 3 days of bereavement (for immediate family). However, when an employee needed more, it was generally given/extended by the manager without taking vacation days. (“off the books”) A week seems much more realistic, especially for those who have to travel.
-Melina
Laurie – I am very sorry for your loss.
My last employment allowed a week for close family bereavement. It’s definitely not enough for the loss of a parent or spouse or child or anyone close to you, even if not related. I took an extra week when my husband died, using unpaid leave. Although I found work took my mind a little off of my loss, I know it was hard on my coworkers to be around someone grieving hard as I was, when there was little they could do.
These days, when people frequently relocate for jobs, some of those closest to you may not be relatives. There is no bereavement leave to address the loss of a best friend or mentor. It would be a great thing if businesses were to understand and support a whole employee approach to recruiting and keeping talent, and not just the part that does the work.
Laurie,
My condolences to both you and Ken. I had a pretty cool father-in-law who passed several years ago.
Weez
Aww. I’m sorry. He sounds like an active man and the one thing I always say about my 80 year old farmer grandfather is I’d rather he die tomorrow while working on the farm than live one day in a nursing home because that’s just not him.
Laurie –
My condolences to you and your husband. I think I might have enjoyed having lunch with Walter.
And thanks for the information on ladder safety. It was eye opening.
@frannyO Thanks for the note. I haven’t watched Mad Men but I feel like the last person in the world who isn’t watching it. I might get the DVD of season 1 so I can see it. It looks good. I have no idea why I’m not watching it.
@jennifer Thanks. I think you’re right about the 80/20 rule. Can’t we all just be adults? Also, I saw your horse pictures. Adorable!
@HRunderling Thank you. I’m also sorry for your loss.
@Amy Thank you. Three days, huh? Doesn’t seem like much.
@Corey Thanks. Wow, beware the flat roof. Especially with a family. You need to be there for them!
@Michael Thanks & sorry for your loss. Your company gave you bereavement leave so early, too? My husband has only been at his company for a few months but they are being great. This process gives me faith in humanity. People are so wonderful.
@Jacob Thanks. Really? A heart attack on the ladder? That’s horrible. I’m sorry about that.
@Melina Thank you. I agree with the off-the-books approach. Seems more compassionate than enforcing a timed leave!
@Robin I have to tell you — you were the second blogger I thought of, today, because you’ve written about the loss of your husband with such courage. I think your comments about bereavement leave for the loss of nontraditional family members is so interesting. Thanks for writing. You are so great.
@Weez xxxooo I miss you, sistah.
@RachL Thanks, srsly, that’s how Walter felt about nursing homes. I’ve known him for almost 11 years. I moved in with my husband when I was 23. Wally once told me to push him in front of a bus if he ever found himself in that condition. Like the snotty kid that I was (25 yrs old), I told him, “Gladly.” LOL, it was a crazy relationship with my father-in-law. He was a helluva guy.
@Dan Thanks x2. Those ladders are death traps! I had no idea.
My sincerest condolences, my friend.
Condolences to you and your family
@Jenn @Lisa Thanks, guys. Back to normal programming very shortly.
I’m sorry for your loss.
3 days, immediate family, which does not include in-laws, grand parents, pets, or celebrities.
Laurie:
Hang in there. I will chime in with the other “sorry for your loss” comments, because I, too, am sorry for your loss.
-sk
I think watching “Mad Men” might be a good distraction for you at this point. (You can download it from iTunes.) On another note, my old employer offered three days of bereavement leave for immediate family only. On an even other note, keep me posted, babe. xoxo
Thoughts and prayers to you Laurie and and your family. My last company had two different bereavement leaves. Domestic employees have 3 days while overseas people have 10 ten days.
A few years back, my grandmother died. The company I was with at the time told me 3 days… if it was a sibling or parent, one week.
Sorry for your loss.
@Rachel Thanks. I wonder why the one week/three days thing is so common.
Laurie, so sorry to hear about the FIL.
My company gives 3-5 days for parents. If it was my mom, I’d take 5 days. My dad? I’d be back at work after lunch.
Laurie,
I am so sorry to hear about Ken’s dad. Please give him my best.
As you know, I lost my mom very suddenly too. My current employer’s policy is one week. However, in unusual circumstances, I think some companies can be somewhat flexible and are willing to make exceptions in exteme circumstances. Believe it or not, our common former employer let me take off 2 1/2 weeks – I think paid.
Your comment about the origins of women in HR reminded me of Mad Man as well. I think you definitely need to see the first season – pronto! It makes Michael Scott from “The Office” look like Gloria Steinam.
Laurie,
What a great post — for many reasons. My condolences to you and your family.
Thank you for reminding us what HR used to be.
I had a team member who lost a son in Afganistan earlier this year. He worked through it, to get through it. I would have given him anything he asked for to help ease the pain that showed on his face. He only asked for more work.
I will never forget my boss, 10 years ago, who told me to take as much time as I needed when my father died of cancer.
Work – and HR – play a big role in the grieving process.
@Mona Thanks. My father-in-law would tell me to stop moping around and make him a sandwich like Joyce (his wife).
@Lisa Thanks & you’re right about A-C being strangely sensitive during that time. It was one of the kinder things they’ve done in recent memory. PS — I’m going to download Mad Men on iTunes, this weekend!
@Peopleshark Oh what a nice note. Thank you.